I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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