bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
