youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
