3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
