I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
