I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
