Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
