she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
