Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
