Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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