every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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