Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize