I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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