but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
