I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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