I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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