I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
