I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
