Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
