I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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