I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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