I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize