So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
