i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
