You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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