i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
