Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
