sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
