I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
