My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
