broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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