just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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