I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
cat food counts as protein by the way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
