I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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