I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
