You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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