Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
