She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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