You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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