You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i need some magic done to my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
