Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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