I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
