farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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