I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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