Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
