You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
