There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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