Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
