I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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