She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
