youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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