bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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