I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I am morally bankrupt
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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