Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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