Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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