piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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