i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize