My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
