Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize