This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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