my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
