i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
