Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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