your parents love me but you hate me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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