Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
