I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize